


The Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency's Husbands for Hire

by gompadre



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, this is gonna be cheesiness galore don't say I didn't warn you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:28:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gompadre/pseuds/gompadre
Summary: Kyungsoo is a recent grad, which means he's broke and has an assload of debt and a shitty job. He's resigned himself to a lifetime of misery until he sees an ad for the Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency, which hires poor husbands for rich men. He's not entirely convinced, but he knows that he'll only miss 100% of the opportunities he doesn't take, right?
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Kim Junmyeon | Suho, Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 13
Kudos: 38





	The Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency's Husbands for Hire

**Author's Note:**

> here's that husband for hire fic you guys were asking for! I don't anticipate this being super long, but I hope you guys enjoy it nonetheless!

Kyungsoo has no idea why he stopped in front of this ad. All of the ads in the Spice Market are borderline suspicious, like behind the _graphic design is my passion_ aesthetic they’re trying to lure people into some illicit trade, but _this_ one…

The ad. A couple, one of them dressed elegantly, the other slightly shabby, both of them standing in the kitchen of a glitzy mansion, and the words _Bring some warmth into your home with a Husband for Hire._ It looks like those mobile game ads, but made by someone with an actual budget. At the very bottom, in skinny lettering, _Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency_ , and an address Uptown. So, they had to be the real deal to have a physical location in the most luxurious neighborhood of San Myshuno. Kyungsoo snaps a picture with his phone, mostly because he intends to roast it in the group chat with his friends, but also because maybe, _just maybe,_ he’s a little bit curious.

Curious enough to look them up when he gets home. Everything seems to check out; they’re a legitimate matchmaking agency, with very high reviews, and there are glowing articles written about them in Vogue and the San Myshuner. And they match “men on the lower socioeconomic spectrum” with “men of means.” Which is just really fancy bullshit that translates to matching poor gays with rich gays. Very niche, but also intriguing, because Kyungsoo is a poor gay who doesn’t want to be poor for the rest of his life, working at minimum wage to pay off his degree in interior design for the next thirty years.

And, surprisingly, when he sends the picture in the group chat with a “🤨,” Chanyeol tells him that his friend Baekhyun met his very rich (and very hot) husband through that exact agency. Hm, maybe Kyungsoo is convinced. Now he just needs to build up the confidence to actually go. Wait— no. What is he saying? This is still ridiculous. He’s _not_ convinced. This is all too good to be true, so it has to be a trap or something, right? He also wants to think that he can score a hot rich husband without the help of an agency, but then he remembers he doesn’t know anyone who’s remotely close to the social circle of hot and rich gay men in San Myshuno, so he discards that idea. Whatever, he’ll be noticed by some major designer soon and blow up to stardom and make millions in no time. One day… one day…

~

Uptown is off limits to people like Kyungsoo. There’s nothing a recent grad with an assload of debt and shitty job can afford except the view of the Arts District, and even standing on the street to appreciate that view feels kind of illegal. But he’d made up some excuse about looking for high-grade tea (mostly to convince himself, because nobody was asking), and conveniently ended up outside of the agency’s window. The view is blocked by frosted decals and an added layer of lush plants, _Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency_ in elegant silver letters across the very middle. Kyungsoo takes a deep breath and walks up to the door, hand hovering above the glass.

No, he’s not going to do this. He steps back, ready to turn around, but then he realizes that the people on the street will definitely think he’s weirder for leaving before he’s even stepped foot inside, so his anxiety at being judged chases him inside before he can process what he just did. And now he’s staring at the woman at the front desk, who has ears that really stick out (she’s still pretty just…big eared), and a suit so crisp it makes Kyungsoo feel like he’ll cut himself on it.

The woman looks at him, eyes roaming from his worn sneakers to his cheap glasses, and smiles. “Are you looking for a match?”

“Um.”

Well, is he? This is honestly insane. He shouldn’t even be considering this. What if they’re actually human traffickers? What if he’s expected to be an escort? Is his debt really worth all of the risk? But then there’s Chanyeol’s friend…and the glowing reviews…and all the other signs that point to them being legit…

“You have questions, don’t you?” she says.

“Yes,” Kyungsoo squeaks.

“Well, come on in,” she says, smiling brightly.

She leads him to a waiting area with crushed velvet sofas that are wine red with gold accents, a gurgling water wall behind a display of blooming flowers, and an abstract painting on the other wall. He’s definitely feeling out of place, so he sits on the very edge of the sofa, bunching the pockets of his hoodie while he waits.

He doesn’t wait long.

A stunning woman comes out one of the offices, wearing a mauve blouse and black skirt that make Kyungsoo feel extra shabby. She smiles at him and introduces herself as Tiffany, then waves him into her office.

“Welcome to the Monday Blues Matchmaking Agency,” she says, walking around her desk to sit down. “What’s your name?”

“Kyungsoo,” he says, slipping into a chair.

“What questions do you have for me?” she asks.

Kyungsoo clears his throat. “Well, it’s really— I just want to know what’s expected of us, as husbands.” There’s a lot more he wants to add to that but he can’t bring himself to say it. It’s like being twelve and not being able to say penis with a straight face all over again.

“You’re really more of a mood maker,” Tiffany says, leaning her elbows on her desk. “You make the house feel like a home. Whether that’s cooking or decorating or just taking up space. They want to feel like they’re not alone. Rich men are often lonely, and these items of luxury cannot replace the feeling of having someone to come home to.”

Kyungsoo almost snorts. Ah yes, these poor rich men, with their McMansions and their millions and billions, buying themselves three luxury yachts a day and complaining about loneliness.

“And that’s it?” Kyungsoo swallows hard. That’s not what he means, but judging by the look on Tiffany’s face, she knows what the real question is.

“You don’t have to have sex with them,” she says. “They want companionship, and though we expect that the two of you will develop romantic feelings for each other, it doesn’t always happen.”

The sigh of relief he lets out is heavier than he meant it to be.

“And what do I need to qualify?” he asks.

“Well, many of our clients are upscale men, so we run background checks on everyone who plans to partake in our services, but aside from that, we don’t require much else.”

Well, that sounds reasonable.

And because Tiffany seems to be psychic and catches on to the fact that he’s made up his mind to dive into this nonsense, she hands him an iPad so he can fill out the application. He takes it with shaking hands, thanking her in a low voice as she guides him back out into the waiting area.

The application is pretty straightforward. Basic information, plus checking that he consents to a background check, and then the rest is a personality quiz, asking what he prefers, from hobbies to meals to what he considers romantic to what he considers to be a dealbreaker. He’s done in about half an hour, when Tiffany passes by and takes the iPad from him.

“You’ll hear from us by the end of the week,” she says. “I’m so glad you stopped by.”

“Thanks,” Kyungsoo murmurs, managing a nervous smile and bow before he leaves.

He expects everyone to look at him funny once he’s outside, but nobody notices. Nothing is different on his way back home either, nor is it different on his supermarket run. Nobody gives him strange looks or even notices him. For a minute he thinks he made the wrong choice, but then he gets to his apartment, where his two roommates left a mess in the living room, and one of them is blasting music because he probably has his girlfriend over, and he changes his mind. If it gets him out of this dump, then it’ll be worth it.

~

By Friday, Kyungsoo knows he’s been accepted, and by Monday, he has twenty potential suitors. Which makes his heart stop. He didn’t think so many men would be interested in him. And as he goes through the list, he’s surprised to find that most of them are not half bad. That’s what scares him. What is a hot rich man doing at an agency like this? They should have plenty of luscious booty being offered to them, a line long enough to wind around San Myshuno three times over.

He’s decided he’ll pick someone old and not that good looking. Jo Insung is an option, even though he’s only thirty eight, because he looks at least forty five and he seems like a calm guy.

But.

But he doesn’t want Insung.

He keeps circling back to this young guy, Kim Jongin, a foodie with the face of a god, an artsy boy who loves animals (especially poodles, and he even included a little poodle doodle), quiet nights in, and reading. Okay, maybe Kyungsoo doesn’t care as much about the reading part, even though it’s nice that this Jongin kid is smart, if his flawless grades from the University of Britechester are anything to go by.

Still, he told himself he wasn’t going to pick someone young and hot. Young and hot and rich are an extremely volatile combination, even if they’re an absolute dreamboat and have all of the qualities Kyungsoo loves. Ah fuck, who is he kidding? He wants Jongin, so he’ll pick Jongin.

He clicks on the Agree to Meet button before his courage disappears, and in the seconds it takes for the next page to load his stomach is tangled into knots. A message pops up on the screen, acknowledging that he has agreed to go on a date with Kim Jongin, and that he’ll receive a message soon with a time and date. Fuck. This is really happening now. Kyungsoo gnaws on his bottom lip, logging out with trembling fingers. Well, no take-backsies, right? Right.

~

On Tuesday evening, there’s a message waiting for him in his inbox. Lunch at the Firelight restaurant in Magnolia Promenade, Saturday, at 1:00 PM. He nervously accepts.

~

It takes him all four hours from the moment he wakes up to the moment he leaves for him to decide on an outfit. Something casual, but not too casual. His roommates are no help, because both of them are straight with an awful sense of style (not that he’s much better but… _they_ are truly atrocious), and Chanyeol makes him change too much, taking a gajillion pictures to send to him, until he finally settles on a black tee with skinny jeans. Simple. Maybe _too_ simple, but he’d rather not risk making himself look like an idiot.

And then he has no choice but to leave if he wants to get to Firelight on time. The car (yes, he’s being _picked up_ ) arrives at exactly 12:25 PM, and drops him off at 12:50 PM. Jongin is already there.

Holy. Shit.

Jongin is absolutely ethereal. Godly. Gorgeous. Hot, because he truly is also just plain fucking hot. And he’s got a really sweet smile on his face. Yeah, there’s no way Kyungsoo can do this. He’s ready to run away in 3…2…1…

He’s being guided to the table, Jongin at his side. They sit upstairs, under a white canopy, surrounded by leafy potted palms and a soft breeze. They’re sitting across from each other, and Kyungsoo has a perfect view of Jongin’s beautiful face.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Hi, I’m Kyungsoo.”

A gentle smile, because Jongin obviously already know that.

“Nice to meet you, Kyungsoo.”

And that’s how their date starts.


End file.
